Going Back to Work After 10 Years At Home

When I began my maternity leave with Lily I had no idea that I'd be home as the primary caregiver for my children for the next decade. And now, ten years after becoming a mom for the first time, I'm working outside the home again.

The kids and I out for ice cream with my work friends
(both girls are wearing shorts from Mini-Cycle and Oli's t-shirt is from them, too!)

We always took me being a stay-at-home-mom one year at a time, so all I knew at the start was that I'd be home for the next 12 months, thanks to the generous maternity leave offered by the Canadian government. I had a double university degree and a job I loved, plus, as an extrovert I enjoyed spending my days with dozens of people in a professional capacity. However, we'd always lived frugally and always wanted several kids in a small span of time, both of which led us to being a one income family and me as the primary caregiver. 

I learned I was pregnant with Oli when Lily was just four months old, so instead of going back to work after my maternity leave ended, I was preparing to give birth again. Without any nearby family to step in, we were raising two babies on our own. Both Brad and I working 40+ hours a week on top of caring for our babies would have been extremely chaotic. Totally possible (and I know it's done all the time), but not what we wanted if we had the choice. My income was missed, but Brad's increased a bit and we weren't spending anything on childcare on top of finding other ways to save money (cloth diapering, buying only used clothing, and living quite simply saved us thousands). 

While I wasn't making money, I was incredibly fulfilled with Motherhood. I loved our comforting routine, the flexibility we had without work or daycare, and being there for every little moment. I loved that I was the main influence in our children's lives and that they too were together all day, forging an incredible bond. And surprisingly, I didn't miss work at all. I've always been ambitious, so when I became a mother my ambition just pivoted to our kids and our home from my previous work.  

Chloe came along less than two years after Oli, completing our family, and for a couple of years we had all three children at home together. It was loud, chaotic, exhausting, and wonderful. Lily started kindergarten at age five and I began taking on writing work and growing this blog to the place where I was accepting sponsorships and collaborations when they felt right for me and my message. Writing and blog work continued for the next five years, as it does today, but that was all working from home and easy to fit in around naps and quiet times. Even when Chloe began kindergarten last year, our schedule was quite full and the kids still needed me a great deal. Adjusting to school in a new language, extra-curriculars, church involvement, volunteering, and keeping our home kept us all busy, and Brad was by then working quite long hours. 

For ten years Brad and I never once questioned our decision for me to pull back professionally and be a full-time homemaker. But as the kids grew and our life settled into a routine, we both began to see time that I could invest outward again. Over the past year we had many discussions about what it would look like for me to take on work outside the home. I wasn't looking to work full time and I wanted evenings and weekends off. Ideally, I'd find something that was precisely when the kids were in school (9-3) and that was a great fit for me personally, lining up with my values. This felt like a unicorn of a job posting and not one I'd likely find, but that's exactly what happened when I was offered a job with Boutique Mini-Cycle. 

You've read about Boutique Mini-Cycle on the blog, and know I love to shop secondhand and local. Their business model lines up perfectly with things I'm passionate about  - sustainability, thrifting, reusing, capsule wardrobes, and simple design. For those who don't know, Boutique Mini-Cycle is a Montreal-based children's clothing shop that sells sustainably made and high quality brands, as well as secondhand clothing. Their new and used clothes are all beautifully designed and well made (no fast fashion!) and they guarantee to buy back the clothes you buy from them when you're finished with them. The best past was that upon being hired I was given the choice to work as much or as little as I'd like when in the office, so I could coordinate with Brad and the kid's schedules. I now work every Monday (Brad's day off) from 9-4 at Boutique Mini-Cycle taking pictures, organizing and valuing secondhand pieces and then another ten hours from home creating content for their site.  

While it's just part-time, it's been a big shift for our family. I have less time with Brad, missing the whole day that he's off (he works the other six days a week), so we need to be more intentional about guarding our evenings together, but on the plus side, Brad gets more quality time with the kids. I enjoy my work so much that it often feels like a break from regular life (especially the past three months of homeschooling). My colleagues are lovely and the work environment is so positive and stress-free. The added income is a huge bonus too, as we look forward to paying for braces and semi-private highschool in the years to come.

I had initially thought that starting in September when the kids were back at school would be the best time to look for a job, but when I was offered employment during the Pandemic I jumped at the opportunity to be out of the house for a day each week (with social distancing measures in the office, to be sure). I am a homebody and love being with my kids, and for the past ten years I've had no regrets as a stay-at-home-mom, but this new season feels like the perfect fit for our family and I'm so ready to take the next steps. 

Pandemic Ponderings

In an effort to process these unprecedented times and hopefully process well, I thought I'd share a collection of my own thoughts and those I've found helpful in the recent days. Please share how you're processing too! There's been great discussion on my Instagram posts related to COVID-19 and I wanted to save them in a more permanent place, so here we are.   

On Friday, March 13 I wrote the following:

The world, or those who are able I should say, are hunkering down and hoping to ride out Coronavirus, which has been made considerably easier given that schools are now closed and many employees are being asked to stay home. Our Prime Minister's wife has just tested positive for it, which, for some reason, brought it all home for me.

Our living room is about to become our school room, gym, church, and work place. Part of me sees thrill in these changes and relishes an opportunity to stay home and hibernate and my family; like Christmas holidays Part II. 

But part of me is overwhelmed by the global panic, by the empty shelves I saw yesterday at a major grocery chain (just the toilet paper section, but what's next?), by the younger and younger people being diagnosed with a novel virus that we were told only affected elderly compromised immune systems, by all of it, really. I'm worried for my friends who work in healthcare and are on the front lines. I'm worried about the many times I've taken public transit this past week. I'm worried about those in our community who will run out of essentials. I'm worried about what social distancing will do for those with mental health concerns and for our economy. 

My church is studying Ecclesiastes right now and the timeliness is striking. This sermon series was planned eight months ago but lo, and behold, Coronavirus arrives at just the time were turning to God's word to remember that material things will not satisfy, that our earthly successes will not bring lasting joy, and that much of the things we turn to in this world for comfort are but a vapour. Smoke. Stockpiling toilet paper is smoke. The stock market rising and falling is smoke. That cancelled vacation is smoke. I don't say this lightly - we, too have lost savings in the market crash, and we may very well need to cancel our June trip.  But I need to remember that these things are not lasting joys. Maybe you need that reminder too?

Practically speaking, please don't forget to love your neighbour in this. Share instead of stockpile. Check in on those who are alone and vulnerable. And remember, perfect love casts out fear ♡

Today, Sunday, March 15, our church worshiped apart but together via a life-feed of our worship pastor leading praise and Brad expounding on Psalm 91. We were encouraged to watch the live fed service in small groups, so the kids and I tuned in with three others who live very close by. Afterwards, Brad led a Facebook live event and did Q&A for his sermon. As we watched dear soul after dear soul check in to the live event we were also treated to pictures of the dozens of other small groups worshiping alongside the live feed in their homes. It was truly so touching. When the event was over, my group opted for a few more songs a capella, just us seven. These are scary times, yet such sweet moments.

Below are other words that bolstered me this week in the unknown and anxious times. I hope they're as good to you as they were to me. 

Psalms or Headlines? That's the question and the choice laid out by Sarah Clarkson, a woman I've come to admire greatly. In this post she writes about picking up the pieces after a home invasion during the already overwhelming time of Coronavirus. She chooses the Psalms and we ought to as well.

I often turn to this newsletter by Matt Civico when I want to challenge myself and go deeper in thought. Matt writes about daily things that we all encounter but with such incredible insight and maturity. Of course, his gleanings on the global pandemic were helpful and beautiful. (log in to read)

Brad shared this Martin Luther quote with our church this week and I thought it was perfect.

" I will ask God out of mercy to protect us. Then I'm going to smoke, to help cleanse the air, give medicine and take them. I will avoid places, and people, where my presence is not necessary to not be contaminated and also inflict and affect others, not to cause their death as a result of my neglect. If God wants to take me, he will surely find me and I will have done what he expected of me, without being responsible neither for my own death nor for the death of others. If my neighbor needs me, I will not avoid any place or anyone, but I will go freely as mentioned above. See, it is such a faith that fears God because it is neither daring nor reckless and does not try God." 

Source: Works by Luther Volume 43 p. 132 the letter "May we escape from a deadly plague" written to the Rev. Dr. John Hess.

This excellent resource for taking to children about COVID-19 was really helpful.

This playlist will bring a lot of comfort to anxious souls.

I appreciate this articicle, which pointed to some incredibly wise words penned 70 years ago that could well be applied today in our Coronavirus time. C S Lewis, writing in 1948 said this:

In one way we think a great deal too much of the atomic bomb. “How are we to live in an atomic age?” I am tempted to reply: “Why, as you would have lived in the sixteenth century when the plague visited London almost every year, or as you would have lived in a Viking age when raiders from Scandinavia might land and cut your throat any night; or indeed, as you are already living in an age of cancer, an age of syphilis, an age of paralysis, an age of air raids, an age of railway accidents, an age of motor accidents.”

 This is the first point to be made: and the first action to be taken is to pull ourselves together. If we are all going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things—praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts—not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs. They may break our bodies (a microbe can do that) but they need not dominate our minds.

Life, Lately (4/17)

It's been so long since I've done one of these catch-up posts and I really regret not having done more these past few months. They may just be little sentences jotted down, but they're memory keepers for me, and I want to look back years from now and recall these little things the kids are doing and saying at this stage. I have a terrible memory, so without this blog, I'd be lost!

 Right now, our crew are 3.5, 5.5, and 6.5. They basically all just passed their "half birthdays" so we are truly half way through their years. Oli is in pre-K at an English school, Lily is in grade 1 at the local French school, and Clover spends two days a week at a Forest School play group, and the rest of the time at home with me. This is our last year with a child in our home... it's so strange reflecting on that since I've had one (or all three!) home with me for almost seven years.

Chloe is such a strong spirit! Her talking has increased and improved leaps and bounds over the winter. She does still have delayed speech, but we are confident that she's improving and finding her voice... oh is she finding a VOICE. She is sarcastic, funny, and loud. The kids say she's the funniest person in our family and we have to agree. She's started making up her own songs about Jesus and it's the sweetest thing to eavesdrop on her singing something she's made up on the spot about how much God loves her. her laugh is guttural and hearty and we hear it often. Lately, her responses are always so affirmative (i.e. instead of saying "yes" or "no" she'll say "I do" "I will" or "I won't" "I didn't", etc.) It's so specific and interesting. She's officially diaper free and always trying to keep up with the big kids. She pretends to read and makes a folded piece of paper her "Bible" or her "phone" almost every day. She's still in love with the colour blue and penguins, but now has broadened her horizons to include purple, ponies and cats. She's such a hugger and shows affection really quickly to new people. Probably a trait from growing up in the church and always being around large crowds of people who love her :)

Oli is growing up so fast! I'm so glad we put him in the pre-K program at the local English school. He is so eager to learn and is thriving at school. A few months ago he saw Lily learning to read and wanted to join in, and within a couple of weeks he was reading grade 1 level books in English. No French for him yet, though. He reads to his class for "show and tell" and this month he's in his school's production of Beauty and the Beast. He recently asked me to buss his head so he could look more like Brad, lol! He's staying up later and later which is kind of hard on us because our evenings are getting smaller and smaller, but he truly needs way less sleep than the girls. With them all sharing a bedroom, we can't just have him read quietly in his room because he might wake the girls, so he's always the last one to bed.  He's really into Marvel superheros and still obsessed with all-things Lego. He's so quick to ask me to pray with him - if we see a homeless person, an ambulance, when we get bad news, etc. He split his chin open at swimming lessons a few weeks ago and barely cried - a huge stuffed Hulk was his prize for being so brave!

Lily is our courageous leader. Grade 1 has been so challenging with learning to read in two languages and all the new material and expectations that the grade brings. She's the youngest in her class and the only Anglophone, and yet she's still loving school and persevering in French. She is reading in French and is so committed to the class challenge of reading 100 books. As I type this, she's at 87 books this year - I'm so proud of her! She's started developing friendships with more and more kids who speak absolutely zero English which is just amazing to me. She has close friendships with girls from school, swimming lessons, and church where she never speaks her native tongue. I know how tiring that can be in my own friendships, but to her it's just second nature - so cool. Lily is constantly teaching and leading - sometimes we need to remind her "not to be the parent!" but she's just such a classic elder sister and leader of the pack. She's been losing teeth like crazy lately, and her smile is so beautiful!

I've been working on free-lance writing projects, selling Beautycounter, and maintaining this blog on my two free days but I'd love to expand on all fronts next year when Chloe is in school five days a week. I'm also starting up a Mom and Babies group in our church this month where moms (we have so many new mamas!) can come with their little ones for some community, coffee, and encouragement. My book club is starting the Anne of Green Gables series after reading heaps of Jane Austen this winter.

We are so excited for this summer's travels - we are off to Switzerland and Austria! This past winter felt really long... maybe because we spent the the last three weeks of summer in Iceland where it was +10 degrees? Brad just finished a really busy month with two conferences and a teaching stint out of town. I'm so thankful for my man. I'm always hesitant to brag on him on the blog because I never want to make it seem like my husband is better than another or that we have the perfect life - but he is so truly wonderful and God knew what he was doing giving him to me. He's strong in many of my weakest qualities, and vice versa. Plus, he mops the floors, so what can I say? I love you Braddy!

Life, Lately (2/16)

Does anyone else feel like February is hanging on for dear life, and that Spring will never come? Good, not just me! This month has felt really slow at times, and while I'm thankful we've all been perfectly healthy, unlike last February (Yay, flu shot!), I'm still struggling to be joyful sometimes. Short days, lots of cold and darkness (It was -35 last week! What!) make for lethargic and slow days, and I'm itching for the first signs of Spring.

That's one reason I like writing these little updates. Partly so I won't forget the little things - the mundane every day moments that make up our lives. But also, practically, to help me find the joy in these dark, snowy days. So here we go!

First, in family news... We have a niece! A cousin! Our first one!
My sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl last week, named Addison Cameron, and we'll be meeting her for the first time this weekend! We are all overjoyed by Addison's arrival. Oli made her the cutest card and we mailed it, along with a Valentine from Lily. Oli keeps saying now he has three girls to take care of! Dying.

Last week, Lily was the ami vedette in her kindergarten class, which meant that she presented in front of her class every morning from a work book that we filled in together. She shared about her family, our life, her hopes and dreams, her likes and dislikes... all in French, and in front of a classroom of kids.

Just thinking about how far she's come since September brings tears to my eyes. She also wants me to write down that she has her first loose tooth. Which totally gives me the heebeegeebees! Loose teeth are the worst! But shes very excited about it, so we're trying to be less grossed out and more encouraging. When she told me about her tooth, she asked, "Mommy, does it make you sad? That I'm grown up enough to have a loose tooth? Soon I'll have my own kids, and I'll be like, 'bye!!!'". HAHAHA. I love that girl. And of course, she was right on the mark.

Oli is such a thinker these days! You'll find him teaching himself letters by copying the text on old recycled sermon notes of Brad's, or reading his Lego instructions (which he calls Constructions). He loves to write, and addressed 15 Valentines for all the kids at his playschool (even the ones who go on different days than him!) completely by himself. His writing is actually on par with Lily's! And he loves to draw maps and instructions for Lego things he'll later try to build.

It's crazy to me that a kid so eager to learn and so intellectual (can you even say intellectual without sounding like a total weirdo? I mean, he's four. I get that. But everyone who encounters him says the same!) won't be in school for another year and a half! Because of where his birthday lies, he won't start kindergarten until September 2017! But he is small for his age, and will be starting school in his second language, so I think the extra year will be good for him. Plus, more time with us!

Chloe is proving to be a late talker, like Lily was. But fortunately (sometimes unfortunately) for us, she's still very loud and clear with communicating. It's always weird disciplining a two year old and we are still trying to figure out what works and what doesn't with her. She's so strong willed, so bold and determined, but we need to remind her often that she's only two, and still needs to obey her parents!
ps - Still obsessed with penguins.

I'm reading a ton these days now that I have my KOBO e-reader. TV has totally lost it's allure! Aside from the occasional episode of The Office (which I was only really interested in after reading Mindy Kaling's books) I'm reading every night and loving it. I've read 50 hours since Christmas! Which I wouldn't know, except the e-reader keeps track, ha! I'm about a third of the way through my reading list for 2016, but have added a bunch of news books, too.  I love that with the KOBO you can rent books from your library's e-book selection! In this weather, I have no desire to trek through the snow to the library, but I also don't want to buy books that I'll only read once. I've been checking out books from bed this month, you guys! Living large!

Brad and I have also gotten more intentional about date nights this month, which is nothing but wonderful. As a Valentines day gift to me, he presented me with an Excel document with very organized information - the best information for any mom - Babysitters he had booked every two weeks, through May! So now we have no excuse. Every two weeks, we'll be out of the house, just us two. We went out for beers and Ramen last week and next week we're going to the symphony! Can't wait to post about some of the budget-friendly ideas up our sleeves. I sure do love that bearded boy of mine.

Life, Lately (11/15)

Time seems to be passing extra quickly now that we've got one kiddo in school, and I find myself forgetting things I swore I'd remember easily. I don't have a diary, but I do have a blog, so here goes.

Lily has learned to tie her shoes and is speaking French freely. She loves writing and desperately wants to learn to read. She recently made dog tags for all of her stuffies and wrote their names so carefully. She's starting to really love one-on-one time with Brad or I so we've been more intentional about it. On Brad's day off he gets her for lunch and the two of them will have a picnic, or when I'm reading my bible in the early morning she'll join me in the living room since she wakes first. She'll often cry when I read a particularly moving story or we play a Christian song that emphasizes the gospel. I love her tender heart and pray it always stays this way.

Oli is obsessed with Lego! It's all he wants to do every day. I have to talk him into other activities with the promise of Lego afterwards. He's incredible at details and following the instructions. I love seeing him become a big brother. For the longest time Lily was the definite oldest/leader of the pack but now Oli is a leader in his own right and takes special care of the younger kids at his play school. There's one little girl at his play school who is the same age as Chloe and he told his teachers that he would protect her because she is just like his little sister. HOW can a mom digest this!?

Chloé loves penguins!  Brad brought her back a small stuffed penguin from a random airport kiosk earlier this year and she's never been the same since! We take out penguin books from the library and watch Puffin Rock on Netflix. My sister gave her a penguin stuffy for her birthday named Percy and she recently made him a leash. It's the sweetest! She's still not saying full words, and seems to be taking after her big sister in being a late talker. This time around, though, we're not worried at all and are just enjoying the longer period before back talk begins ;)

Once again we're planning to be in Montreal for Christmas. Partly due to the challenges of traveling with little ones (two sets of our parents live 7-8 hours away by car), as well as Brad's limited time off during the holidays (we used it all up this summer). I'm also planning a couple of trips to my hometown in the new year with my sister expecting her first baby (a girl!!) so we're starting to make arrangements for what December will look like with family visiting and continuing with our own traditions.

Brad and I have had a really intense work month with national news doing a story on our church, which became several stories across several news outlets. December is promising to be much more laid back and I'm not mad about it!

xo