Let's talk Lent.

Today marks the first day of Lent, the 40 day season preceding Easter Sunday. A completely optional exercise that was never commanded in Scripture, isn't practiced in most Evangelical churches, and won't at all make you a better Christian if you take part - and I love it. The liturgical calendar is something I've become reacquainted with in recent years and has been a great encouragement to my faith and the way I disciple my children. 

I want to make one thing excruciatingly clear as I have great fear of this post creating a burden or obligation among you, dear readers. It is that God won't love you more or less if you participate in Lent or abstain from Lent or any "church calendar" activities. With that said, would you permit me to share why I've grown to love these liturgical seasons so much? I'll start at the beginning.

I didn't grow up celebrating Lent. In high school I heard about people giving up chocolate or TV for Lent, but it was more of a fun exercise in will power than anything spiritual. As a new Christian I began to see Christmas and Easter with completely different eyes; eyes of worship, expectation and deeper beauty than a bunny or gift-laden tree could ever conjure, yet still the holidays snuck up on me year after year. In university I was writing exams until right before both major Christian holidays and once I had children life felt so full that I never seemed to arrive "ready" to celebrate with a full heart the birth, death, and resurrection of Jesus. If you ever feel that tension when the holidays roll around, where you're glad for the four day weekend and time with family but your heart isn't quite prepared to worship then you understand exactly how I've felt in years past. Celebrating Advent and Lent have essentially freed me from those experiences and prepared my heart to celebrate in spirit and in truth. I've written a lot about Advent, so here I'll focus on Lent.

Lent gives Christians a concentrated season for grieving our sin and reflecting on the brokenness in our world that necessitated the cross. Life is hard and we are all sinners and sinned against. I believe taking the time to focus on this, to grieve and mourn what we've done and what has been done to us is incredibly meaningful and healthy. Lent is by nature a heavy season. If Advent stirs our hearts for an upcoming birth, Lent grieves our hearts for an approaching death - one that we played a role in causing - and it's right and good to feel sadness, regret, and grief. But we know our grief will end in the Resurrection on Easter Sunday, so there's always a limit to our grief that allows us to grieve with hope and not give in to despair. Some people choose to give up something during this season to share in the sufferings of Christ, to fast or challenge themselves in some way. I don't typically give up something for Lent, because I'm wary of my tendency to be legalistic (Enneagram 1 over here!), but I strongly encourage anyone who is giving up something for Lent to be sure to also add something in it's place that will fill up your affections for Jesus. Example: If you're giving up social media, add reading Scripture. The way I choose to practice Lent is not simply depriving myself of any one thing but truly orienting my heart towards Jesus and the Gospel. 

How are we practicing Lent this year? 

Pancake Tuesday + Explaining Lent

This is the first year I'm walking my kids through Lent though I've done it myself in recent years. We started last night with a big pancake supper feast which made our hearts merry, and then we transitioned into a time of reflection and confession. On the way home from school we had talked about the difference between Advent and Lent - Advent being an anticipatory celebration of an upcoming birth and Lent being a grieving season of an approaching death, lined with the precious hope of Resurrection Sunday. 

Confession + Forgiveness

After explaining the differences and answering any of their questions, I lead us in a time of confession. Simply admitting some of my sins from the day to my family. After each person repented of something, the family would respond, "your sins are forgiven!" It was such a sweet time. I don't know that we'll do this every day of Lent, but it represents the theme of Lent and how we'll be aiming to observe it. Grieving the wrong we've done and the wrong done to us, thanking Jesus for his forgiveness, and encouraging one another that all of those sins were nailed to the cross. The kids also wrote out or drew some of their sins which we put in a jar and lit the jar on fire (don't worry, we quickly moved the jar out onto our balcony - we were safe!)  The kids absolutely loved this and encouraged one another that "it feels so good to repent!" 

Scripture + Song

Like Advent, I'd like to be extra intentional this Lent about reading scripture daily with the kids and singing a hymn each night. We always have morning devotions and often sing praise songs in the car, but for Lent the songs and scripture will be focused on Good Friday and Easter Sunday particularly. Our hymn list includes Jesus Paid it All, There is a Fountain, When I Survey the Wondrous Cross, Hallelujah! What a Saviour! and on the last week of Lent, Christ the Lord is Risen Today. 

For scripture reading I'd recommend some Old Testament prophecies of Jesus death (Isaiah 53 being a beautiful example), the Gospel accounts of Jesus' death (Mark 15 being my favourite), or any part of the Bible you find pointing you to Jesus paying the price for sin. I may change halfway through Lent this year, but we'll start out with Romans 5:12-15

12 Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men[a] because all sinned— 13 for sin indeed was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not counted where there is no law. 14 Yet death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those whose sinning was not like the transgression of Adam, who was a type of the one who was to come.

15 But the free gift is not like the trespass. For if many died through one man's trespass, much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man Jesus Christ abounded for many.

Ash Wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday - the first day of Lent. With the ashes we made in burning up our confessions last night, we had a fresh jar of ashes with which to put small crosses on our hands this morning at breakfast. I got this idea from Asheritah Ciuciu on Monica Swanson's Boy Mom Podcast. The kids found it really moving  - honestly at ages 6, 8, and 9, they were absolutely able to understand that those ashes were a symbol of forgiven sin. I wish I'd started this years ago with them! Kids really are able to understand so much more than we often give them credit for, and symbolic activities like this help them learn and understand. I know some people put an ash cross on their forehead, so this is a version of that. Traditionally the ashes come from burned up palm branches used from the previous year's Palm Sunday, but ash from burned up confessions to sins we know are forgiven felt pretty beautiful too. 

Objections to Lent 

There is good reason why many Evangelicals do not practice the liturgical calendar, and I understand those objections. One common objection is that the Bible doesn't teach Advent or Lent, and the first recorded occurrences of these is usually between 300 and 600 AD, meaning even the very early church didn't practice Lent, so why should we? I absolutely agree that it's not necessary or required for Christians, but that doesn't mean there isn't wisdom in it. Lent uses common, everyday aspects of the Christian life (repentance, confession, reading scripture, fasting, prayer, song) in a simple, repetitive way leading up to the most important days in our calendar year and allows us to approach Easter prepared, in heart and mind to worship the risen Lord. Not at all necessary, but absolutely helpful for many people. 

Another objection is that fasting (giving up something) for Lent can create legalism and I totally agree with this! You know your heart - are you prone to legalism and spiritual performance? Maybe avoid fasting and focus on feasting on the gospel. Are you in a season of life where you're making bad decisions that are leading you away from Jesus and you need more self control? Then maybe regular fasting from all manner of things would be good for you! The purpose is to create grief around our sin and hope and joy in the resurrection, not to tick off any spiritual boxes. 

Where I am, in Quebec, Lent is seen very much as a Catholic practice, and if you know any of the history of our province, you'll know that there is a great degree of mistrust and bitterness towards the Catholic church for past abuses of power as recent as the 1960's when virtually all of Quebec was Catholic. Here it's rare to find a Protestant who wants anything to do with the liturgical calendar because there's a great desire to distance themselves from Catholicism, but many Protestant denominations have historically observed the "church calendar" including Anglicans, Presbyterians, and Lutherns, and regardless of your affiliation, you may find it a helpful practice. 

Simple + Meaningful

As I've said over and over again for Advent, Lent can be simple and meaningful. I know you're busy - me too. Our life is full and I'm not necessarily looking for things to add to our schedule, but done simply, Lent doesn't need to take much planning or time to be meaningful. Take your eyes off of perfection and onto a few easy practices that you can guide your family through to prepare your hearts for Easter. It can be singing one Easter-themed hymn each day. Reciting the same cross-centred Bible verse every night before bed. Creating an environment of confession and repentance in your home by humbling leading by example. Asheritah Ciuciu has a lot of great activities and crafts on her website and in her book, if you're looking for more ideas. 

I hope this was helpful, and if you have any questions please feel free to ask them in the comments or over on Instagram. 

TGCW18

 

I'm back from The Gospel Coalition Women's Conference and so very refreshed. As I said earlier this week, it's been a busy season since before we left for Japan and the month of June has kind of done me in! Though the timing of the conference wasn't ideal (Brad had piles of work to do after three weeks away and had to jump into solo-parenting during a preaching week... any Pastor's wife reading this knows the pain!), in many ways the conference was at the perfect moment. After all, spending four days sitting under some of the most gifted teachers, learning, growing, and catching up with dear friends whom I only see at these sorts of events every couple of years is recipe for rest and joy for just about any Christian woman. Here were a few highlights:

I stayed with two women from Montreal - both English-speakers who are actually missionaries from the States. All three of us were particularly blessed by the worship lead by Austin Stone Worship, since it was the first time any of us had sung in English with a congregation in many months (10 months for me!) Their version of Man of Sorrows was the first song I sang (because we skipped the first session), and it was just beautiful.

In addition to my two housemates who I shared an Airbnb with, I spent the most time with my dear friend Vanessa who I've known since early university days. Vanessa and I kind of have a redemption story going on in our friendship. We started out friendly but not close friends, but at a certain point we clashed and both kept our distance for a couple of years. We were both prideful and stubborn and gradually were convicted of such things, and slowly kept up with one another again, mainly through social media since we don't live nearby. Month after month, we let one another back in and formed a stronger friendship than we'd ever hoped to have. We walked together, thanks to Whatsapp and Instagram, through infertility, loss, dashed dreams, reconciled hopes, babies, job changes, etc. Today she's one of my closest friends and I can't help but sing God's praises when I reflect on how he brought us together and redeemed our broken friendship to be one that really reflects Jesus and brings us each closer to him. Tears!

So yeah, I spent a lot of time with Vanessa, who was staying in another Airbnb nearby. I also reconnected with past co-workers and old friends who are now in Hamilton and Toronto and my old mentor from my university days who lives in Kentucky now. It was so good to see them all! We laughed and cried and prayed together and asked each other for counsel and wisdom. It was really everything friendship should be.

We stayed in the cutest neighbourhood just outside downtown Indianapolis called Fountain Square. It's like Le Plateau of Indiana, if that were possible! Cute bakeries, Indy fusion food, hip brunch joints, rainbow houses... just yes. By the way, if you're ever in Indianapolis, I highly recommend Bluebeard and Milktooth! We ate at a couple other places that were fine, and had to stop by Chik-Fil-A for some fries, but other than that I made salads with hard boiled eggs for lunch and made breakfast at my Airbnb in the mornings.

The conference itself was jam-packed with amazing content, but I've learned over the years of conferenc-ing that I do best and retain most when I cut a few seminars or sessions and don't rush to attend every.single.thing. All of the content from the entire conference is now available for free on TGC.ORG, so I figure I can always catch what I missed this summer from the comfort of my couch :)

The main sessions I attended were Mary Wilson's, D. A. Carson's, Jackie Hill Perry's, Jen Wilkin's, and John Piper's. Jackie and Uncle John were my favourites! Here are the workshops I attended, and I loved them all!

1. Co-Laboring in the Gospel: A Conversation For Pastors’ and Elders’ Wives with Lauren Hansen, Megan Hill, Latoya McCutcheon, Noël Piper.

These women had such wisdom to share, and they even graciously answered one of my questions in the Q & A at the end! I haven't listened to the audio yet to see if my question made the edit, so you'll have to let me know.

2. Marriage and Family: Practicing the Principles of Scripture in the Home with Melissa and Michael Kruger. 

I loved this seminar for many reasons - Firstly, it was fun to see the husband/wife duo play out and to hear from both sides on some key issues. Second, I just love Melissa Kruger. She isn't as well known as Gloria Furman or Jen Wilkin, but she needs to be! She is incredibly wise and speaks so gently into challenging topics. I first heard her in 2014 talking about contentment (listen to that talk HERE!), and I've recommended that specific talk to more people than I can count. I've listened to it over and over again. I bought two of her books and her newest Bible Study, too, but more on that below! Lastly, I'm always drawn to anything marriage-related because frankly, marriage is hard! And as we do pre-marital counseling at our church, I love having extra wisdom to share.   

3. Still Needed: The Importance of Discipling in the Teen Years with Jen Wilkin and Melissa Kruger.

This was such a great workshop! J Wilks and M Krugs (as we started calling them during that exact seminar, lol) are such a pair! I respect both of those women immensely and have benefited from their ministry for years (Jen's influence dates back to 2011). I loved hearing how they're discipling their teens and ways they're trusting God with their almost-grown kids. I learned so much in that hour, I took four pages of notes!

I can't wait to listen to many of the seminars this summer. It was so hard to choose just three to attend! Here are some that I'm particularly excited to hear (and local friends, I'd love to plan a listening party (June 27, 28, or 29 work, contact me if you'd like to be a part of it or host it!).

• Growing in Discernment by Melissa Kruger
• Heavenly Focus in Everyday Lives by Gloria Furman
• The Gospel Comes With A House Key by Rosaria Butterfield (I just bought the book by the same title on Christian Audio
• The Care and Catechizing of Children by Betsy Childs Howard, Melanie Lacy, Lucy Olson, Irene Sun  
• Teaching Old Testament Narrative to the Heart by Carrie Sandom (I heard Carrie speak in 2014 and really enjoyed her, plus British accent = easy listening, ha!)
• Women and God: Hard Questions Grace-filled Answers by Kathleen Neilson
• 'The Church In Her House': The Dynamic Ministry of Women in Early Christianity by Michael Kruger (New testament Prof and President of RTS)
• Shaping Women's Ministry in the Local Church: A Practical Discussion by Danielle Anderson, Courtney Doctor, Colleen McFadden, Jen Wilkin

One highlight that never changes year after year is the BOOK STORE! Most books are 40% off even Amazon prices and there are various free resources too. It was hard to control myself but I think I did a good job not going too crazy. Let's just say our bags were very heavy on the way home!

 

We were greeted at Registration by a free book by John Piper. What a treat! When I Don't Desire God is an excellent book for all Christians and a top one we recommend to others. I'm re-reading it and only a few chapters in and I can say it's pure gold. I also received a free ESV Scripture Journal for the book of Mark and a Reformed Classic, Little Book On The Christian Life by John Calvin. Then I bought the following:

• Humble Roots by Hannah Anderson
• Identity Theft edited by Melissa Kruger (with lots of amazing authors)
• Joyfully Spreading the Word edited by Gloria Furman and Kathleen Neilson (lots of amazing authors, too!)
• ESV Scripture Journal for the book of Hebrews (my favourite book of the Bible!)
• The Envy of Eve by Melissa Kruger (I've wanted this book since 2014!)
• Name Above All Named by Sinclair Ferguson and Alistair Begg (each chapter explains another name of God in great detail... I love that kind of thing!)
• In All Things - Melissa Kruger's new Bible Study 
• For the kids: both boxsets of the series Light Keepers by Irene Howat. One boxset is all about famous women in church history and the other is all about famous men. Each book contains mini-biographies for ten Christian heroes such as Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Lady Jane Grey, Corrie Ten Boom, C S Lewis, Elisabeth Elliott, and Joni Erikson Tada. I'm so extremely excited about these books! We plan to read a chapter every day this summer at lunch!

The conference was such a boon and I'm heading into summer refreshed by God's word and motivated to live out the habits of grace! I have more resources than I know what to do with, which is very humbling and wonderful. Having access to and the ability to buy (and read!) these books is such a high privilege. Simply being an English-speaker allows for so much training and discipleship and attending a conference like this is truly a gift. If you attended or have listened from home, I'd love to know what you learned and which talks were your favourite! And if you've never been, the next conference is in 2020!

New Pictures of the Kid's Room (+ How Idols Thrive In Materialism and Minimalism)

Thanks everyone for their feedback on what storage shelving unit I should buy to house all of our newly acquired toys and books for the kid's room. In a recent post, I shared a few options that I was considering for our kid's mounting possessions, all the while blind to the real solution. Brad was happy to help me see where I'd wandered off, however. Might the real answer be that I re-embrace minimalism with our kid's toys and books and actually donate a significant amount of these items, instead of buying a new storage unit to store it all? Ahem. Right. Exactly. Why didn't I think of that?

 I'd like to say I responded humbly to Brad's obvious suggestion but I totally fought him. And I totally fight the deep seeded desire to always have new things. Even though my "new things" come from the thrift store 90% of the time, they're still new. It's still materialism, albeit budget-conscious and eco-friendly materialism. I love change and I love design and I love constantly re-creating our nest. I'm proud to say I'm consistently below budget in the realm of clothing and decor, because I love hunting down a good deal, and I'm not afraid (heck I prefer) to shop second hand. But here's where I get into trouble - my heart.

Honouring your family's budget and rescuing endless goods from landfills is great and I highly recommend it (and I love to show you how I do the same on this space and on Instagram), but at the end of the day, whether you spend thousands at Big Box stores, or $30 at Salvation Army, your heart can be in the exact same place - craving new and exciting things and believing the lie that acquiring more will bring you joy. Idols, which I'm suggesting are things we worship or look to for joy, thrive in materialism and minimalism. Whether we want more more more in a crowded space or that one perfect object in a sparse room, we can easily slip from appreciating God's good gifts to trusting that thing (or those things) to bring us joy. As a Christian, I believe Jesus is the only source of true and lasting joy, but I so often seek joy elsewhere, and I'm always eventually disappointed. A perfectly clean kid's room won't bring lasting joy, neither will new possessions whether they're bought secondhand or full price.

So how am I preaching this while sharing pictures of our kid's room? I feel the dissonance, too. I'm sharing because I was convinced that to make their room better, I needed this one shelf. I donated a lot of brain power and energy to finding the perfect shelf, only to be reminded by my wise husband that the shelf wasn't the need. Jesus was the need.  And I had bought a lot of stuff that my kid's didn't even love instead of being thrilled and satisfied by Him.

I still love design and decor, and I believe it's using a creative side that Jesus actually gave me, so I know there's a place to honour Him as I share my ideas for room sharing and minimalism. But please don't lose sight of the truth that Jesus is all your heart truly desires. Not the perfect capsule wardrobe or minimalism nursery or cart full of new things, used or fresh from the mall.

 I nearly fell off the minimalism bandwagon this winter, and I bought way too many things and even thought I needed to buy a huge shelf to accommodate it all, instead of realizing that my tendency is to search for the thrill of new things instead of being satisfied in Jesus. Well, that ended up being rather deep for a post promising new pictures of the kid's room, but I guess I couldn't have the latter realization without the former topic. I ended up, with the kid's help, collecting a garbage bag full of stuffed animals, blankets, books, and toys, and no longer need a shelf. But boy do I need Jesus!

SOURCES ///

white desk - side of the road (see transformation on Apartment Therapy)
bunk bed - IKEA, white washed
desk chair - Structube
reading couch - an old padded ottoman covered with a sheet
baskets - thrifted (Village des Valeurs, Renaissance, Armee du Salut)
digital clock - Target
books - 99% thrifted
white bookshelf, wooden side table - IKEA, second hand
stuffed animals - 99% thrifted
globe, brass piggy bank, Quebec flag, doll house, mini baskets - thrifted
Victroian man and woman cross stitch - road side find, frames painted
ABC print - Lili Graffiti
framed doily - thrifted
Lego bins, rug, closet organizers - IKEA
black out curtains - Walmart
Calico Critters tree house and animals - Kijiji find

hot cross buns!

This year is the first time I've attempted to make hot cross buns for Good Friday, and after eating half the batch in one sitting, I'm wondering what took me so long?

As a Christian and lover of all things food, I often find myself envious of my Jewish friends who seem to have unique foods for every holiday. There's something so powerful about special meals and flavours that only come out once a year, to mark a special time. Tasting, smelling, preparing - these are all things that help us remember and Good Friday is all about remembering. Remembering the King who became a slave, the truest friend we could ever have becoming an enemy, the perfect becoming the soiled, all on our behalf to bring our rebellious hearts back to our Father.

I'd like to quote Isaiah 53 at length here, as I feel it's so powerful and so important, today of all days. If you'd like to skip through just to find the recipe, I don't mind at all (it's below).

³ He was despised and rejected by men,
    a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
    he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

⁴ Surely he has borne our griefs
    and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
    smitten by God, and afflicted.
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions;
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
    and with his wounds we are healed.
⁶ All we like sheep have gone astray;
    we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
    the iniquity of us all.

⁷ He was oppressed, and he was afflicted,
    yet he opened not his mouth;
like a lamb that is led to the slaughter,
    and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,
    so he opened not his mouth.
⁸ By oppression and judgment he was taken away;
    and as for his generation, who considered
that he was cut off out of the land of the living,
    stricken for the transgression of my people?
⁹ And they made his grave with the wicked
    and with a rich man in his death,
although he had done no violence,
    and there was no deceit in his mouth.

¹⁰ Yet it was the will of the Lord to crush him;
    he has put him to grief;
when his soul makes an offering for guilt,
    he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days;
the will of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.
¹¹ Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied;
by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant,
    make many to be accounted righteous,
    and he shall bear their iniquities.
¹² Therefore I will divide him a portion with the many,
    and he shall divide the spoil with the strong^,
because he poured out his soul to death
    and was numbered with the transgressors;
yet he bore the sin of many,
    and makes intercession for the transgressors.

Turns out, Christians don't have many foods to mark holidays, but there are a few, and hot cross buns have become common place to make and eat on Good Friday. There's nothing special about this simple spiced bun, except instead of a simple glaze topping, the icing is in the shape of a cross.

We enjoyed these this morning and I think we've found a new tradition. Of course my reflective reading and warm tea time lasted about five minutes, but that's life with three kids! I read several recipes to prepare but ultimately combined them all into my own version. I don't use the traditional currants because I don't know where to find any, and used orange zest instead of more traditional lemon zest. Very simple and yummy, and not at all hard to make. Just make sure you're patient with the rising times - they really do make or break the recipe!

Hot Cross Buns

Dough ¾ cup 2% milk, warmed
4 tsp instant dry yeast
⅓ cup sugar
3 large eggs
½ cup canola oil (I'd love to try melted butter next time)
3 ¾ cups all-purpose flour
zest of an orange
pinch salt
dash of cinnamon
dash of nutmeg
dash of clove
 

Hot Glaze ½ cup sugar
3 Tbsp orange juice
1 tsp vanilla extract
(I found this glaze recipe made about 3x too much, so feel free to heavily glaze or divide the recipe in three.)

Icing*  ¾ cup icing sugar
1 Tbsp 35% whipping cream
(again, I didn't need this all, and I heavily iced mine)

1. Mix all dough ingredients together in the Stand Mixer (Yes! No special order, just dump it all in!) with the dough hook on, and mix until one big ball of dough. If you don't have a stand mixer, it might work best to first mix wet ingredients together, then add to sifted dry ingredients. 
2. Once the dough is one ball, put in a lightly oiled bowl and let to rise until doubles in size (about 2 hours)
3. Once doubled, divide into 12-16 small balls of dough and place, evenly spaced, in an oiled or buttered 9x13 dish and then cover with plastic for a second rise for about 45 minutes (TRUST ME)
4. Bake at 350 for 25 minutes or so, until light brown on top
5. Once out of the oven, cover with glaze (all the glaze ingredients together, warmed)
6. Once cooled, pipe crosses on each bun with the icing* (icing is totally optional, these are lovely just glazed)

Disciplining with Humility + A Mother's Identity

Parenting is humbling (and sometimes humiliating). It can also breed the worst kind of pride. When our kids obey in public, and bonus points, if someone sees their excellent behaviour and compliments me, I'm not going to lie - it's ecstasy.

One day, the stars aligned and our three kids all came to me exactly when I asked them to, not touching a single object on the insanely crowded urban Canadian Tire store. Have you ever been in one of their city locations? It's like they're afraid to let customers see even an inch of bare wall or shelf. And they didn't touch, they listened, and they came (!!!)

A Hasidic Jewish man watched it all, and please note Hasidic men never talk to non-Hasidic women, and also tend to raise numerous, extremely obedient children... and he gave me his nod of approval and said, under his breath, "Good obedience". Coming from him of all people, it felt like the praise from the praiseworthy. I was shocked and kind of felt like I was the greatest. A few days later my youngest had a tantrum in a small, crowded grocery store and I felt like the entire store knew I was just a fraud.

The ups and downs of parenting are so extreme, and if our identity is wrapped up in our kids - their successes, their failures - it will either crush us or make us unbearably prideful. Christians have a better identity, but sometimes we lose sight of it. The Bible says we are beloved by God, that our forgiveness was bought at the greatest price, and that there's nothing we can do to add to or subtract from God's love for us. Our kid's behaviour, their grades, their sleep patterns, their meal preferences, their abilities or deficiencies; none of them are our identity. I love this story from Jami Nato,

 "When my 9 year old lies and I catch him in it, I say, “Hey. I saw that. I lie too to get my way. But it’s going to hurt you. Go upstairs and take some time to ask that God might change your heart.” Sure, sometimes I yell first. But you get the point. A common phrase in this house is, “Go upstairs and ask God to change your heart.” Not “GO to your room! I can’t believe you did that! (because I did that yesterday?)” What kind of a tool is that?"

We have a higher identity than that of mother, and it should lead us to humility.
When we discipline, when we correct, when we encourage and when we praise, the gospel frees us to do it humbly. I don't do this perfectly, but I'm thankful that it's true. 

***All photos by Rachel Cheng.

Hospitality and Small Children

 I originally wrote this in 2011, and it's more true today than ever.

One HUGE difference from my pre-kids days to my current reality is that entertaining and hosting people can seem like more of a burden than ever before. I used to thrive with company over. I loved tidying up my home, planning a menu, and having a full house of family, friends, you name it. When Lily was born it drastically changed. I had less energy. The house was always a mess. Cooking and baking became more rare. People coming over wasn't as "fun" anymore. 

Lately Brad has been challenging this view. He's obviously sympathetic to my lack of energy, especially with my current pregnancy on top of a 9 month old, but he's also the greatest influence in my life other than God, so when he speaks, I need to consider what he's saying. And I have been (not that I'm always so ready to be corrected, mind you!). He's been encouraging me to show hospitality more, though it's harder than ever. Why? Because it's one of the greatest ways to love people.

Something I've realized through trying to understand to what degree I should be serving others alongside my family in this season is that hospitality is not hosting/entertaining. In my head, the two were inseparable. But they are quite different, and when you get that, you realize that showing hospitality doesn't have to be a burden when you're in a season of difficulty - especially with small children. Entertaining has a heavy emphasis on showing someone a great time, amusing them. There's a lot of pressure there. An entertaining evening usually means a nice meal, planned activities, a pleasant atmosphere (read: clean house!), everyone on their best behavior, etc. Now check out the definitions of hospitality.

Hospitality:

1. the friendly reception and treatment of guests or strangers.

2. the quality or disposition of receiving and treating guests and strangers in a warm, friendly, generous way.

I take this to mean that showing hospitality is opening your door and heart to people. Even when the house is messy. Even when you're just ordering pizza. Even when you don't have the perfect evening planned. It's showing generosity and love, usually in your home. That sounds like something I can do, if I so choose. But what it also required is that I choose love and generosity above appearance and "perfection". Would I be as proud to open up my home if I'm not offering a three-course-meal made from scratch? I should be, but in my pride, I'm not. 

Something I'm working on, with Brad's inspiration, and also the inspiration of  this article recently posted online.

loving the church + our families

from Rachel Jankovich, author of Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches:

If you are a Christian woman who loves the Lord, the gospel is important to you. It is easy to become discouraged, thinking that the work you are doing does not matter much. If you were really doing something for Christ you would be out there, somewhere else, doing it. Even if you have a great perspective on your role in the kingdom, it is easy to lose sight of it in the mismatched socks, in the morning sickness, in the dirty dishes. It is easy to confuse intrigue with value, and begin viewing yourself as the least valuable part of the Church.

 This book stays on my night stand. I've read it four or five times and I have no plans of putting it back on a shelf any time soon - because shelves mean you've read it and don't need it often. And besides the Bible, this book has been my greatest literary comfort as a mother. Seriously. I buy it for all my pregnant friends and recommend it to anyone with young kids.

And that quote, it's so me right now. I love that the author gets it! Gets me! Especially that last sentence, because technically, I'm a church planter. Ha! One year ago this month, Brad and I planted a church. We were the only two "members" and the first tithers and Lily and Oli were the only children. It was just us and so exciting and so thrilling and hard work and long exhausting nights in my second language but so so worth it. We now have many members and are outgrowing the dance studio we meet in (after we outgrew our living room) and have baptized a few new believers and it's all awesome.

But with three kids, especially a newborn, it's easy to feel like I'm not much a part of the BIG stuff anymore. I can't go to the conferences for church planters (that are always during the week, several days long, and no-kids-allowed), I often miss large chunks of Festin Agape or Caucus or Groupe de Quartier (did I mention, it's a French church?) to care for my toddlers or baby, and I rarely know whats going on in the church that we dreamed of planting together.

But recently, God has been so kind and I've not felt the least bit insecure about it. My heart for the local church beats hard and strong. I am passionate about missiology, ecclesiology, reformed baptist theology, the city in general, and our neighbourhood (The Plateau) specifically, learning French, Quebec politics, community, the gospel, and discipleship. All things important for a church plant in our setting. But I'm also passionate about my kids, and Jesus wants that. First.

Aside from my relationship with God, my relationship with my family is foremost.
My role as a church planter is crucial and important, but my role as child-rearer and shepherd is chief.

I write this to remind myself and to encourage other women in the same situation. I don't write to free us from all responsibility elsewhere. Having a child isn't a get-out-of-serving card for the next 18 years. Women with children need to prioritize their family but also not neglect the church. So what does that look like? I think right now it means serving when we can and even when it hurts (sometimes with a baby on our laps! sometimes getting a babysitter. sometimes from home).

For each woman it will look differently of course. I don't know how many children you have or what the needs of your church are or what your capacity is. For me it means hosting group de quartier (small group) though I'm often in my kid's room wrangling them into bed. It means missing out on some church social events but to the best of my ability, never missing festin agape (Sunday worship). It means staying home with three kids under three but encouraging the girls from my church through texts and e-mails throughout the week when I can't hang out with them.

But it is so easy to fall into the thinking that I should be doing more and that raising my kids isn't ministry enough. Let us flee from that thinking, cling to the gospel, and always seek to serve, both of our families (nuclear and church) in Jesus' strength.

I'm curious, how do you maintain your service with small kids at home?
What does it look like for you?

the 3rd child and 1st times...

There's a first for everything, and parenting is full of them. But we weren't expecting so many "firsts" the third time around! That's exactly what we've been given with little Chloé though. I joked about this all throughout my third pregnancy - how nothing was the same as it was the first two times and how she was sure to keep us on our toes. Well, it's only three weeks in but she sure has!

On the one hand, it's really hard. We figured by the third time we knew enough, had experienced enough, and paid our dues enough, that she would be our easiest child. We wouldn't second guess ourselves, we'd remember what to do, we'd know warning signs and tricks of the trade and ways to avoid trouble. We thought we had this parenting a baby thing down. We were wrong.

Chloé is unlike Lily and Oli ever were as newborns. The first 24 hours after birth babies (at least my babies) sleep for about 20 of them. Not Chloé. She was probably awake for 20! She wanted to nurse all.the.time from the minute she was born. She was crazy alert and such a mama fan. She slept in my bed or in my arms the whole time I was in the hospital - it was the only time she would. And just for the record, I've never been a co-sleeper. Nothing against those who are, but it wasn't our thing. And now, out of desperation at times, it's kind of become our thing. I don't do it often and don't plan to continue, but there have been times where it's the only way Chloé will FINALLY fall asleep after hours of awake time. Something so foreign to me in my experience with newborns.

And speaking of desperation. Oh the desperation. So often I find myself doing things with Chloé that I never did with the first two, simply because with three little kiddies, life MUST go on and so you do whatever it takes to make it so. The first two had a bassinet in our room, and never slept anywhere else. Chloé regularly spends nights and naps on the couch, in the nursing pillow, in her vibrating chair, in our arms, occasionally in our bed, the list goes on. Likewise, Lily and Oli never had a soother. I did try with each of them but neither took it. With Chloé, I've tried almost anything to get some sleep including the pacifier, and wouldn't you know, she's my one child that will take it! I always said I was glad in the end that the older two wouldn't take it, because it meant I didn't have to deal with attachment or dependence on the soother. This time, I'm just glad she's soothed!

As crazy as it's been, the important thing is our family unit has remained mostly the same. Our older two, who are in so many ways still babies themselves, have normalcy and that's been so important to me.

She sleeps the least, eats the best, cries the most (but thankfully the quietest!), and in a different way than our first baby, has us utterly dependent on one another and the Lord. With Lily we were that way because we simply knew NOTHING. With Chloé, we're that way once again because she's humbled us as parents and thrown us some curve balls we weren't expecting. And on that hand, it's really great.

When Women Make Different Choices Than You/Me

Confession: this post hit my heart hard this week. Complete conviction. Because the author is 100% right and because I have been 100% in the wrong many a time, in this exact realm.

Her post was titled "When Christian Women Make Different Choices", but it might as well have been titled "EMILY, stop thinking less of families who have different schooling opinions". Maybe it needed to be titled with your name at the beginning too? I don't know, I can only answer for myself here, but for me it was a key read.

As September rolls around, I have read post upon post about how and where moms are educating their children, and in the blog circles I frequent, two options continue to come up more than any other: in the home (home schooling) and in the Christian community (Christian schooling). And every time I struggle not to judge. And sometimes I don't struggle so much as I just give in to the temptation. 

Brad and I are very passionate about putting our kids (and indeed having our whole family participating) in public school. We want our kids to go to the same schools as our neighbour's kids. We want to be salt and light to our neighbourhood and see the public school system as a great avenue for that. I have neither the ability nor the desire to be a teacher in my own home (I studied marketing in university, not education, I reason). Likewise, I have neither the option nor the desire for my kids to receive a Christian education (there isn't a Christian school within 30 minutes from us, and we believe the parents and the church bear the responsibility to teach young children about Jesus and the gospel). I'm actually really excited about the day Lily and Oli step foot into their secular public school. The possibilities, the opportunity for Brad and I to live our faith out in front of the teachers and other parents, the real life questions our kids will ask, and how it will force us to be in the city and aware of it's needs as we shepherd our kids through it.

But that said, from what I'm reading online, a lot of you moms are equally excited about the possibilities you see as you enter your children into Christian school, or as you embark on homeschooling. And how dare I rob you of that joy?  I need to trust that you're seeking God and being mindful of the Great Commission as you make your choices, and that not all of us will come to the same conclusions. I need to confess that I've judged others as they've made choices, particularly regarding schooling, that are different from mine. And I'm convicted and sorry.

I deeply desire to change and be more open minded to God's unique calling on each family. In the coming months I'd like to have a guest series featuring moms/women who are living out life in a very different way than I am. I want to grow in my appreciation for that which is different, and even maybe makes me uncomfortable. I long to see mutual respect for women making choices for their families the best they feel led and know how, and it starts with my own heart. 

I'm preaching to myself here, when I say, there is not ONE way to parent, and there is not one "Christian" way to parent either. Some of the styles or philosophies we decided against probably work wonders for your family, and I want to celebrate that as I remind myself and my wicked heart to flee from judging others.

I strongly recommend this article by Christine Hoover, and her blog in general :)
  

a peaceful home

I read something last week that has been with me non stop ever since. Especially in the season of two toddlers. Especially as I find myself loosing my temper too quickly. Especially as I reevaluate and recall our schedule and discipline and a whole lot of other things. Especially feeling a thousand weeks pregnant.

"peacefulness in my home is not the absence of noise, but the absence of strife"

Our home is peaceful. Even during all of the things. Because we are free from strife. We have no strife with God because of Jesus, and no strife with each other because of forgiveness. Noise and tantrums and dirty floors and crying newborns will not be an indicator of lack of peace in our home.

it was harder then...

I remember what it was like having just one child. Though it was a brief five months with Lily before we learned we were expecting a second, it was over a year before we actually had two in our charge. I can tell you with absolute confidence that the days with just baby Lily never seemed easy. The early days were extremely difficult - I maintain that your first go at parenting is going to be your hardest simply because everything is SO new. And as the months passed and we learned more about parenting and our daughter, it did get easier, but it never felt necessarily easy. So let me just say that before I say what I'm going to say next!

the day I became a mom.

This week, Brad is away finishing a course for his MDiv in Louisville, KY, so I'm here by myself, but Lily is also gone (camping with my parents and sister), so it's just Oli and I. And guys, IT IS SO EASY. Weird, right?

First of all, Oli wasn't an easier baby than Lily was. He was actually significantly harder! But I knew much more. I had more confidence as a mom, I trusted my instincts, I knew what to expect, and I'd walked those roads before. Though having just Lily in my care seemed difficult years ago when it was just her, this week having just Oli in my care seems simple.

the day I became a mom of two. Lily was 14.5 months old.

Why else? Because your capacity grows. Grows in leaps and heaps! I follow a few blogs where brave, loving, and capable mamas care incredibly for their many many children (anyone else read Mockabee 7? Moments with Love?) and I forget that. I think, "how do they do it!?" but then I remember having just one little baby and feeling like the world was on my shoulders. With one, I felt like there was never enough hours in the day. Never enough sleep. Never enough solitude. That I never fully knew what I was doing. And if you have one baby and you feel that way, take heart! It's NORMAL. You're learning and your baby is learning and it makes sense. One baby is a lot more baby than no babies, and it's a HUGE adjustment.

Lily a few months before Oli was born.

When I was juggling Lily and a pregnancy, I felt even more overwhelmed. My physicality was limited but my toddler was active and needy. How will I handle two babies? I thought this so often, though we were sure it was what we wanted. And then Oli was born and we just sort of worked it out. Made room in our little city condo. Made room in our ever changing, and hopefully sanctifying hearts. And yes, it was hard and challenging and I'd still feel tired and overwhelmed at times (particularly 4-6pm, amen?) but on the whole, it felt easier. Even though the work had technically doubled and the day's hours had not.

life with the two.

With this third pregnancy, I've marveled at how God has grown my capacity to mother my littles. Again, there are certainly days where I feel over my head and at my whit's end. But mostly, we have a handle on things and mothering two rarely feels difficult. Though I'm very pregnant, though they're very active, though our home is small, and though the darn day's hours refuse to extend past 24.

I have only wondered how I'll handle three babies a handful of times. Not because I'm supermom or because my kids are easy, but because I learned when we added Oli that your capacity and your know how and your wherewithal and your heart GROWS. It's like an elastic band, and God keeps letting it bend as long as he keeps blessing us with children.

This week with just Oli has felt like a vacation. A true blessing in the third trimester of pregnancy. I can rest more and still be more hands-on with my son than I usually can when I've got Lily to love on too. It definitely feels harder at times when he wants a playmate 24/7, a role Lily fits perfectly! I often reflect on how grateful I am that Lily and Oli are so close in age because they have always had each other for as long as they can remember, and their dependence on each other has weaned them from complete dependence on Mom and Dad. So not only does it get easier the more kids you have and the longer you parent because YOU know more and God stretches your abilities, but siblings also grow in capacity and love and ability.

A lot of factors would have to change for us to have a truly LARGE family like those of some of the blogs I read (5-9 kids). Our hope is to add a forth child via adoption to our brood in the years to come, and likely call it a day after that. And four kids is no joke, but I know God would carry us through it and that he's preparing us even now as he's slowly stretching and growing us for our third.

One thing is for certain - it was harder back then. The early days and the first days were the hardest of all, and it's been a process of refining and sanctifying and growing ever since. I love this road.

Chants de Louange en Français

Many of you know, Brad and I have planted a French church in Montreal this past year. We have an amazing team and we're among the only Anglophones (English speakers!) in the church. As you can imagine, planting a church is far from easy under the best of circumstances, and I feel like in many ways we ARE in the best of circumstances. We have so much support from our network + denomination + team of leaders within our church plant and we're in our dream neighbourhood.

One set back though, is doing this whole thing in our second language. Every single thing we do as a church is in French. Our Bibles are in French, the preaching is in French and the musical worship is in French. The discipleship is in French, the small groups are in French, the website is in French, and the e-mails are all in French. That's a lot of French for a girl who doesn't speak it very well!

Something that's blessed me more than I can even express, though, is the French worship music. I never thought I'd be able to connect with God singing in another language, but by His grace, I've been able to. Especially when it's a song I know from English, that's been translated. There are some French worship songs that were written originally in French that I've only since learned after moving here - some even written by people in our church! - and I love them so much. But on a day when my French is struggling or I'm flustered after sending my kids to Sunday School and buying wine and bread for communion and doing behind the scenes stuff, my heart gets very soft when I hear a worship leader begin to sing a song I recognize.

I thought you'd like to hear some of my favourite worship songs that have been translated to French. If you go to church, you may recognize them, but you've probably never heard them en Français! Ignore the cheesy YouTube videos and enjoy :)

Before The Throne Of God Above - Devant le Trône du Très-Haut

How Great is Our God - Combien Dieu est Grand

Amazing Grace - Grâce Infinie 

Hosanna - Hosanna

LOVE [languages]

Have you heard of the five love languages? It's a theory turned book turned phenomenon and I think it's essentially bang on. It suggests that there are five major love languages, and each person gives/shows love and receives/feels love in different ways, normally within the five.

They are:  

1. words of affirmation ("you're amazing!")  
2. acts of service ("oh hey, I made you dinner!)  
3. receiving gifts ("a waffle maker, just because!") 
4. quality time ("lets just BE together") 
5. physical touch (back rubs, bear hugs, intimacy, etc).

If you learn enough about what the author means by each gift, I think you'll find that one or two really represents your love language. And consider, not everyone gives love in the same way they receive it! Also, love languages can change over time as we change, our environment changes, our needs change. And I think family upbringing and culture play a bit of a role here too, aside from the unique way God has wired us all.

For me, it's acts of service and especially receiving gifts. Part of that is my upbringing -  my family is big on gifts! Christmas and birthdays and just because days. From the outside you might think "oh that's just a love language for the parents who want to spoil their kids" or "that's just a love language for the wealthy" and to that I say NO WAY JOSE. Growing up, it wasn't about the expense of the gift, or the quantity, it was about giving something to show you love another. It might be a freezie on a hot summer day that dad brought home for me when he was running errands, or a new t-shirt from the clearence rack when I was having a bad day and mom wanted to show me she cared. It doesn't have to be expensive or in a spoiling manner, just a gift, to show you care.

It took Brad some getting used to when we were first married. It was hard for him to not see that as a selfish love language "GIVE ME PRESENTS BABY!", but rather a way I love and feel loved. He now knows I don't mean something expensive or a gift every day, just that it's a way I feel loved and thought of. His on the other hand is words which took ME some serious getting used to. You might be surprised to learn that I'm not into words, like, AT ALL. I'm a blogger, and use words all the time. But guess what? I TYPE THEM. I don't say them :) And my desire to communicate doesn't necessarily translate into my love language, oddly enough. So I had to learn to affirm my husband with words (and I'm still learning!) and in notes.

It made for a tricky first few years of marriage let me tell you. He'd be all "can't you see I'm loving you, look at all these compliments I'm giving you! Look at all this physical touch I'm sending your way!" and I'm like "Why don't you love me!? Why aren't you giving me gifts or serving me instead? Talk is cheap, player!". And I'd be all "I spent days searching for the perfect Christmas gift for you! Why don't you looooooove it?" and he's be all "Stop wasting money and get over here and love me!". Ah, marriage.

Now that we've basically figured each other out, we have the high calling of loving our kids the way God has designed them. It never ends, people! And it's so fun to see each of their unique personalities coming out already, and to see their love languages emerge.

Lily is hands down my quality time girl. Her favourite phrase right now is "mama, sit carpet". She doesn't really care if I play with her, and she's not necessarily asking me to read with her (though she'll happily take each). She just wants me to sit beside her, as she plays. Just to be there. A treat for her is when Brad says "Lily, want to bring a book in my office and read beside me (as he reads)?". She eats that up. She feels our love when we're there. Literally, beside her.

Olivier is my physical touch junkie, just like his dad. This kid doesn't just cuddle or kiss or hug, he does it competitively and full force. His kisses are PG-13 and he's never happier than when he's in a loved one's lap to held in their arms. He was way harder to sleep train than Lily and he's not as great at independent play either. Why? Because he loves our touch something fierce. He is so physically affectionate and we really embrace and encourage that. I love him best when I'm rubbing his back, playing with his hair, letting him sprawl on my lap, or carrying his 23 pound self around (which is getting harder as my 3rd trimester draws nearer!).

I used to think the love languages didn't emerge until much later, but after carefully observing my kids, it's clear they already have their preferences. Knowing their love languages has helped me give them grace (when I don't want to "sit carpet" for the 20th time that day, or I'm sick of rocking/carrying a teething toddler), and helped me value their God-given individuality.

Have you noticed love languages emerging in your young kids?

How has it helped you love them well as they age and grow?

What's your love language? Definitely worth figuring out!