1 month in...

Some would say we've passed a HUGE milestone.
Lily is one-month (not today, but was on September 20th!) old.
We definitely know more now than we did before she came, we can care for her as better parents, and can discern her needs with some accuracy (easier when there's only the gas-poop-food problems generally), but wow.
We have a LONG way to go.

I don't really know what to write these days because I have so many ideas throughout the days but then no time to clack 'em out, and thus no blog to read for you and no creative outlet for me. Nobody wins. Well, Lily does. Because she gets me whenever she wants right now :)

Can you blame me?
I still sigh when I look at htis picture even though she's beside me. Even though I took that picture. Even though I've seen it a hundred times.

So I guess I could start by recording the highs and lows of the last month. Sadly, it's too soon to write up "accomplishments" but we're proud of her anyway, every time we see a decent poop or hear a respectable burp.
Oh parents and their love for their babies!

HIGH - learning how to Breastfeed and that I CAN Breastfeed (some women in my family have not been able to in the past + I have undergone breast-reduction surgery = serious possibility of not being able to...)

LOW - learning because of said surgery I have chronic-low-milk-supply. Meaning I can BF 50% of the time but for the other 50% of the time, we have to supplement with formula just to have Lily be full. Was hard because I felt like less of a woman somehow, not being able to provide for my baby, but also a lot of it was pride I had to over-come. Being weak shouldn't surprise me. I'm human. I need help from time to time and I need to depend on God to help me be the Mom Lily needs, not on myself. So, in the end maybe it wasn't such a low.

HIGH - depending on God more for everything-parenting-related which is my life.

LOW - trying to schedule naps and feedings for Lily. To be fair, I barely tried... I mean I did wholeheartedly for 2 days, but with sleep-deprivation and an on-coming cold PLUS my husband being in an insanely busy period of work right now - I couldn't do it alone, it wasn't the right time. Worst two days of my life. Period. No sleeping and incessant crying. To the point where when she wasn't crying, I thought she was. Ringing in my ears that wouldn't stop... Yeah. A definite low.

HIGH - Resolving to re-start scheduling another time, maybe in a couple weeks, and having Lily sleep MORE last night than any other night when I was actually "trying"! She went down at 10:30 or 11pm, I gave her a quick feed during which she was basically unconscious at midnight, and then I didn't hear from her until 4:20am. If this keeps up, I'll let her schedule herself! She's doing a better job than I...

LOW - I'm not superstitious. I'm a woman of faith in God, not superstition. Then why, oh why, does Lily cry every time I finally muster up the courage to be relieved?! She'll cry, then be quiet for up to 5 minutes... wherein I'm sitting on a bed of nails desperately wanting to celebrate but terrified of the inevitable. And it always comes. The second I exhale and maybe even look at Brad and say "yesss!" we hear it. I hate how the whole scheduling thing brought that out in me.

HIGH - I love what else she's brought out in me (and Brad). People who are growing daily in selflessness. People who love their family and each other more than they ever did before. People who can more tangibly see that they need Jesus to get them through a day. People who say grace before a meal and actually MEAN IT because getting that meal done or being able to eat it in silence (baby silence, not each other silence... on the rare occasion she lets us) is something we're truly thankful for. Being people transformed by parenthood. Transformed by Lily. For the better and for God's glory.

I'll end on that note.
If I let myself really think about the lows, I'll think of too many. Because honestly, it's been a hard month. A rich month. A scary month. A thrilling month. A month we'll never forget, and sometimes a month we'll want to.
It's been everything.

But I'd rather end on that last HIGH because that's why we're parents after all. God has given us Lily, and he is glorified in our weakness, but not in our venting or complaining. But he is glorified in what is honest. SO there you have it.

A hard but beautiful month is how I'd sum it up.


  1. You're my hero Em. I'm get more impressed by you with every passing day. Happy 1 month! :-)

  2. Honest and beautiful Emi. You have such a gift not only in Lily, but in your ability to articulate what others would have no words for:)