I'm not ready.

It's Good Friday.

The Friday where we meditate on the supreme sacrifice that Jesus made, in dying in our stead. 
Easter is here and I'm just catching up.
I remember in university, spending every day leading up to Easter for a month thinking about the cross, in prayer, in God's word more than usual, and being ready in heart and mind when that Friday rolled around. 
Today I feel so caught off guard. I want to be ready... I want to remember and worship and appreciate and love god with a prepared heart, but I feel unprepared. 
The beauty of the Gospel is that I can come to God in this harried mess. I can fall at his knees even though I don't feel as prepared or worshipful as I should. His death made this possible. Good Friday made this possible. 

Wow. And just like that, I love the Gospel again. God thank you for your grace. Thank you for making that supreme sacrifice for people who would years later hardly have time to mark the day. You didn't do it because we deserve it, I think that's clearer to me every year as I see my shortcomings more clearly through the lens of grace and truth. You did it because of who you are. You are the ultimate father and you will always pursue your kids. You are the ultimate King because you will even die for your people. You are the ultimate priest because you present us holy and blameless.You are the ultimate. And you love a girl who doesn't even feel ready to celebrate you on this the Day of Days.

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